retro movies that never were 7
What if Lawrence Oliver tried horror instead of Shakespeare?
Archive of posts filed under the joke category.
retro movies that never were 4
What if Wallace Beery and Jackie Cooper took the time-travel route for the follow-up to “The Champ?”
IF: dungeon
“Allright! Break time is over in two minutes!,” yelled the dungeon keeper, as he checked his watch.
IF: food
Oh, for goodness sake François, not everything is Chateaubriand! Just get it out to Table 6!
IF: wax
Vincent Price, star of the 1953 3D thrillfest House of Wax. You might say his performance was dripping with terror. No one could hold a candle to him. The whole ball of…. oh… you get it.
IF: sprout
After all of his devoted service to Jesus, the apostle Paul miraculously sprouted a pair of wings. Unfortunately, the were both on the same side.
IF: three
“Ugh! Are we gonna have to change the locks again?“
IF: snail
A guy is sitting in his living room, watching television, when he hears a knock at the door. He gets up and opens the door to find a snail on his front porch. The guy looks around and sees no one. Angered by the interruption to his TV watching, he reaches down, grabs the snail …
IF: stomp
Oblivious to his pending fate, Oscar took a phone call.
IF: swirl
“Yeah, yeah. I know. I got a big swirly head. You gonna buy a goddamn ice cream cone or what?”