After all of his devoted service to Jesus, the apostle Paul miraculously sprouted a pair of wings. Unfortunately, the were both on the same side.
“Ugh! Are we gonna have to change the locks again?“
A guy is sitting in his living room, watching television, when he hears a knock at the door. He gets up and opens the door to find a snail on his front porch. The guy looks around and sees no one. Angered by the interruption to his TV watching, he reaches down, grabs the snail …
Oblivious to his pending fate, Oscar took a phone call.
“Yeah, yeah. I know. I got a big swirly head. You gonna buy a goddamn ice cream cone or what?”
Richard Nixon — the originator of the mix tape.
“Do these stripes make my ass look felonious?”
There’s old Trader Sam, head salesman of the area. Business has been shrinking lately, so this week only, Sam’s offering a two-for-one special: two of his, for one of yours!
“Oh, isn’t he a treasure?” “Yeah. Let’s bury him.”
Um… this guy.