josh pincus is crying

This week’s Illustration Friday challenge word is “immovable”.

Robert Earl Hughes made appearances in small county fairs and festivals in his native Illinois and neighboring states. He was driven around the fairgrounds in the open flatbed of a pickup truck and curiosity seekers marveled at him. Then, the truck would stop and Robert signed souvenir photos of himself — twenty-five cent for a small one, half a buck for a large. A malfunctioning pituitary gland had caused Robert to gain weight at an uncontrollable rate. Although he boasted a 700+ pound frame, Robert loved the attention.

Robert visited New York for a proposed appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show  to portray Santa Claus. The Sullivan Show  people failed to make subsequent contact after their preliminary offer and Robert, short on funds, was stuck in New York. He was kicked out of his hotel for failure to pay his bill. He sought the help of the Salvation Army, who took pity on Robert and flew him home to Illinois. Soon after, he contracted measles from one of his nieces. The measles escalated into kidney failure and Robert fell into a coma and passed away at age 32. At the time, he was the heaviest man on record, weighing 1,041 pounds.

A specially constructed casket was created by The Embalming Burial Case Co. of Burlington, Iowa. It measured 85 inches long, 52 inches wide and 34 inches deep. It was made of heavy cypress, reinforced with steel. Twelve pallbearers maneuvered the casket along, on a wheeled dolly, past the largest funeral gathering Brown County had even seen. Over 2,000 mourners came out to pay their last respects. Robert’s casket was lowered by a large crane into, what is now, a very unassuming grave.

This week’s Illustration Friday word is “atmosphere”.

“Oh, oh, oh! Let’s go fly a kite. Up to the highest height! Let’s go fly a kite and send it soaring.
Up through the atmosphere, Up where the air is clear, Oh, let’s go fly a kite!”  — Mary Poppins (1964)

Beginning around 1938, a small Hollywood cartoon producer named Walt Disney did his best to persuade author Pamela Travers to let him turn her series of childrens’ stories into a film. Time after time, Travers rebuffed Disney’s offers. Travers did not believe a film version of her books would do justice to her creation, especially an animated film. Disney’s plans for a live-action movie put off Travers even more, as she perceived him as merely a cartoon maker. Disney was persistent, though, and remained in regular contact with Miss Travers. Finally, after twenty-three years of begging and convincing and cajoling, Travers caved and granted Disney filming rights for her Mary Poppins stories. The agreement contained some caveats, including script approval. Disney was okay with that, but still maintained the final word over the entire project.

With the rights secured, Disney began to set production rolling. He hired the songwriting team of Richard and Robert Sherman to write songs and score the film. The Shermans also helped with the story development and changed the setting from the 1930s to London’s Edwardian era. The Sherman Brothers initially wrote thirty-eight songs, many of them cut during development and others integrated into stronger compositions. Disney cast Broadway actress Julie Andrews, fresh off of being passed over by Jack Warner for Warner Brothers’ film version of  My Fair Lady, for the role that Andrews originated on stage. Dick Van Dyke was cast alongside Andrews’ big-screen debut, as Bert. Bert was a conglomerate of several characters from the Travers’ stories. The multi-talented Van Dyke, while endearing in the part, was reviled for his amateurish, almost distracting, Cockney accent. Veteran British character actors David Tomlinson and Glynis Johns were given the roles of Mr. and Mrs Banks. Young Karen Dotrice and Matthew Garber played Mary Poppins’ charges, Jane and Michael. Van Dyke and Tomlinson also provided the voices for some of the animated characters throughout the film.

After many objections (especially to the animated sequences) and eventual compromises with Travers, Mary Poppins opened to rave reviews in late August 1964. (Travers hated the final project and vowed never to entertain any future offers from Disney.) It went on to become the most popular film of 1965 earning over 28 million dollars. It was nominated for 13 Academy Award and won five, including Best song, Best Score and Best Actress for Julie Andrews, who, incidentally beat Audrey Hepburn who nabbed the role of Eliza Doolittle in My Fair Lady. Mary Poppins launched the careers of Andrews, Van Dyke and the Sherman Brothers into the realms of super-stardom. Tomlinson and Johns were in demand and more popular than ever. Johns still acts and appeared in 1995’s While You Were Sleeping. Tomlison retired in 1979 and passed away in 2000.  Karen Dotrice and Matthew Garber co-starred again for Disney in 1967’s The Gnome-Mobile. Karen appeared in several British television productions until she felt being a full-time mother was a better fit for her. Matthew briefly lived with his parents in India, where he contracted hepatitis and passed away at age 21.

Mary Poppins was the first movie I ever saw in a theater. It was on its initial release in 1964 at the Orleans on Bustleton Avenue in northeast Philadelphia. I still love watching it forty-six years later.

This week’s Illustration Friday challenge is “star gazing”.

Galileo Galilei (1564 – 1642) has been acknowledged as the father of modern observational astronomy. He made great improvements to the telescope, enabling him to amend previous astronomical observations. He also invented the tuna salad sandwich and perfected the current technology for central air conditioning. He traveled to the Far East where he discovered spices, such as cinnamon and paprika, and brought them back to his native Italy. He assisted in writing the Bible and the Koran, in addition to sole authorship of hundreds of plays, novels, operas and cookie recipes. He was self-taught on the piano, harpsichord, oboe, trombone and lute, which allowed him to help design the modern-day electric guitar. He acted in over thirty films and earned a record six “Best Actor” Oscars, three of them consecutive. In his spare time, he was a glass blower, a mountain climber, a lion tamer and, during holiday seasons, he played Santa Claus at area hospitals to the delight of sick children. He introduced the written alphabet. He wrote and produced the first four years of “Sesame Street”, after which he remained a consultant while he choreographed and produced two Cirque de Soleil revues in Las Vegas, performing a high-wire act in one of them.

Galileo died in February 1642, just after mapping a route to the New World for fellow Italian Christopher Columbus, and shortly after popularizing Valentine’s Day.

This week’s Illustration Friday challenge word is “caged”.

Walt Disney’s team of Imagineers”, the idea men behind the theme park attractions, conceived a pirate adventure in 1954, a year before Disneyland opened. It was to be a walk-thorough wax museum depicting historical scenes of real pirates. Disney artist (and creator of Tinkerbell) Marc Davis got busy creating gags and visualizing layouts for the attraction. Davis even painted the portrait of the female pirate above the bar in the Crew’s Quarters scene.

The idea was re-conceptualized to take full advantage of the success, popularity and technology of Disney’s Audio-Animatronic figures designed for use at the 1964 World’s Fair. The attraction became a boat ride through a ransacked Caribbean village overrun by lifelike robotic pirates. Guests would board a small boat and become immersed into a world of buccaneers and wenches, pillaging and drunken singing, all culminating with a daring jail escape as the town goes up in simulated flames.

Pirates of the Caribbean opened in the New Orleans Square section of Disneyland on March 18, 1967. It was the largest Audio-Animatronic attraction to date and the last project for the park that Walt Disney worked on personally.When Walt Disney World opened in 1971, the company had no intention of installing a recreation of the Disneyland attraction in Florida. The concern was, because of Florida’s proximity to the real locations of New Orleans and the Caribbean, the exotic aspects would not be appreciated. Instead, a similar Western adventure ride was planned featuring cowboys and Indians. Soon, guest complaints over the missing pirates forced Disney to give in and an abbreviated version of Pirates of the Caribbean opened in Walt Disney World in 1973. Comparatively similar versions have since opened in Disney theme parks in Tokyo and Paris. The attraction remained unaltered until 1997, when after complaints claiming sexism in certain scenes, changes were made and roles were reversed in gags involving some pirates chasing after women.

The majority of rides in Disney theme parks are based on popular (and sometimes obscure) Disney films. In 2000, the Walt Disney Company release its first film based on a ride — Mission to Mars directed by Brian DePalma and starring Gary Sinese. It bombed. Disney tried again in 2002 with The Country Bears, an ill-conceived, poorly executed head-scratcher that also returned a disappointing box-office performance. Unfettered, Disney released Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl, an epic action-filled adventure starring Johnny Depp, in 2003. As they say, third time was the charm. The film took in $46.7 million in its opening weekend. (To date the film has grossed $654.2 million.) In 2006, Disney again modified the namesake attraction to feature characters from the blockbuster film. The enhancements coincided with the release of the first sequel (Another sequel was released in 2007 and a third is planned for 2011).

In the 43 years since its inception, Pirates of the Caribbean has remained one of the most popular rides in Disneyland and its worldwide counterparts. Hong Kong Disneyland remains the only Disney park with out a Pirates attraction. An expanded area called “Pirate Coast” has been proposed to the government of Hong Kong (the majority owners of Hong Kong Disneyland). It is currently under consideration.

This week’s Illustration Friday challenge word is “artificial”.

Walt and Valerie hated  to double date with Bob and Dolly.

This week’s challenge word on the Illustration Friday website is “double”.

Identical twins Jeen and Sunny Han were born in South Korea in 1974 but lived apart until they were 3. When the girls were 12, their mother, a chronic gambler, moved them to California. She would leave the young sisters alone for days at at time while she went on gambling binges. Jeen and Sunny developed a strong bond during their time together. Their mother sent the girls to live with an aunt and uncle when she no longer wanted to be burdened with parental responsibility.

Both girls excelled academically and graduated high school as co-valedictorians. Sunny went on to college on a scholarship. Jeen, seeking money for college, joined the US Air Force. The twins grew apart and only spoke briefly by phone over the next several years.

Overwhelmed by the rigors of boot camp, Jeen sought a discharge from the Air Force. First, she explained that her father was ill and then, hoping to be expelled over policy, claimed she was a lesbian. Eventually, the Air Force relented and she was released. from service. Jeen found employment as a blackjack dealer in a Lakeside California casino. Like her mother, she became a compulsive gambler. She began stealing friend’s’ and family’s checks and credit cards to repay her debts. She was arrested and skipped out on her probation.

Jeen moved to Los Angeles to live with her twin sister. Sunny, having delivered failing grades for three semesters, lost her scholarship and was working as a receptionist. The sister argued a lot. Sunny broke Jeen’s nose during one dispute. Others were broken up by the police, where Sunny was arrested on an unrelated charge of credit card fraud. Sunny had stolen a friend’s credit card. While Sunny was in jail, Jeen stole Sunny’s car and used her identification to empty her savings. Upon Sunny’s release, Jeen was jailed for six months. She was put on work furlough and escaped.

Soon after, an angered Jeen recruited two teenagers to help her kill her sister. They drove to Sunny’s apartment, purchasing garbage bags, duct tape, twine, gloves, Pine Sol cleaner, and magazines on the way. The also brought guns. Their plan was to have one of the teens pose as a magazine salesman to gain access to the apartment. Then the other two would force themselves inside. This scheme played out perfectly, except the door was answered by Sunny’s roommate, Helen. They tied Helen up, but Sunny, hearing the disturbance from the next room, called the police on her cellphone. The police arrived quickly and arrested one of Jeen’s accomplices, but she left along with the other. Later the same day, Jeen was arrested when she attempted to used Sunny’s driver’s license to withdraw $5,000.

After  a year in jail awaiting trial, Jeen Han was tried for conspiracy to commit murder, two counts of burglary, possession of a firearm, and two counts of false imprisonment. The two teenagers were also tried as co-conspirators. Jeen contested that she merely wished to scare her sister, not kill her. The jury concluded that the items brought to the scene, coupled with Sunny’s roommate’s testimony, amounted to Jeen’s preparation to commit murder. During the course of the trial, an overly stressed Sunny Han attempted suicide by ingesting several dozen sleeping pills.

The two conspirators received sentences of eight and sixteen years. Despite her attorney’s argument that Jeen suffered from a personality disorder that predisposed her to extreme mood swings, Jeen Han was sentenced to 26 years to life. Three days after her incarceration, Jeen attempted suicide with painkillers she had hidden in her cell.

She will be eligible for parole in 2020.

This is my thrid illustration for the Illustration Friday word “breakfast”.  Here is the first one and here is the second.

I get a kick out of seeing new parents cautiously checking the ingredient list on cereal. Not wanting to have their children ingest anything that would be harmful or contain empty calories, today’s parents opt for healthful choices for the most important meal of the day. Grocery store shelves are stocked with fruit juice sweetened organic grain-filled packages adorned with happy children enjoying a sunshiny day in a golden meadow. The colorful boxes of star-shaped marshmallows and sugar-coated crunchy morsels have taken a back seat.

When I was a kid, Saturday morning cartoons were regularly interrupted with instructions to “Ask Mom” to buy the latest cereal. Arrays of crazy characters were plastered on the fronts of every box of cereal, all vying for my attention. A good portion of Kellogg’s offerings displayed familiar Hanna Barbera favorites, but there was something compelling about those created specifically for the product. Animals, leprechauns, birds, spacemen, cowboys — they were all there. Sometimes a new character was placed on a lagging brand to invigorate sales. Kellogg’s Cocoa Krispies featured Jose the Monkey, Coco the Elephant, Ogg the Caveman, another elephant named Tusk, even popular cartoon lion Snagglepuss briefly got in on the cereal-hawking act. Finally Snap, Crackle and Pop stepped in and took the chocolate version under its Rice Krispies umbrella.

Cap’n Crunch, the soft-palate shredding squares of corn, was introduced in 1963. Its popularity spawned a host of spin-off flavors that were part of the Cap’n Crunch family. Each new flavor featured a new character on its box, starting with the Crunch Berry Beast in 1967. Hot on his tail was pirate Jean LaFoote representing for Cinnamon Crunch, Wilma the Winsome White Whale for Vanilla Crunch, Smedley the Elephant for Peanut Butter Crunch (what’s up with these elephants?) and Harry the Hippo on boxes of fruit punch flavored Cap’n Crunch. Things got a bit out of hand when “Chockle the Blob” appeared on Choco Crunch. I didn’t know what Chockle was and I didn’t want to eat what he was selling.

There was also a parade of characters who made brief appearances in the cereal aisle because their namesake products were ill-conceived or just couldn’t compete with breakfast powerhouses like Tony the Tiger or Toucan Sam. One such mascot was Bigg Mixx. Much like the cereal he promoted — an obvious corporate grain snafu at the Kellogg’s production plant — Mixx was an amalgam of several species. One could pick out a buffalo, a moose and a deer in its makeup, but the creature and the cereal were equally frightening and it disappeared from shelves quickly. Other grain-based disasters were Sir Grapefellow and Baron Von Redberry, a pair of single fruit flavored cereal rivals. And the similar Crazy Cow, a boxful of multi-grain pellets coated in drink mix to flavor milk.

Sometimes the story of the cereal characters, as depicted in commercials, was more important than the product itself. Such was the case with Freakies, Grins & Smiles & Giggles & Laughs and the notorious Crispy Critters. Linus the Lionhearted was the cartoon mascot for Crispy Critters, whose show blurred the line between cereal commercial and children’s entertainment. Linus’ adventures were thinly veiled advertisements for Post products and the show was pulled when complaints mounted.

I miss Saturday mornings in front of the TV, plowing through two or three bowls of some brightly-hued, milk-drenched nuggets. I miss the day-glo neon colors of the supermarket cereal aisle. I fondly look back on the difficult decision of choosing a cereal based on its mascot, its shape, its marshmallow content and the “cool factor” of the toy buried deep inside its sugar-frosted depths. Sometimes I think that Cap’n Crunch and his friends are plotting an attack and will one day blow that low-fructose granola shit into the dog food aisle.

Pictured above: 1- Honey Nut Cheerios Bee; 2-Crunch Berry Beast; 3-Ogg the Caveman; 4-Jean LaFoote; 5-Quisp; 6-The Cheerios Kid; 7-Snorkeldorf (Freakies); 8-BooBerry; 9-Big Yella; 10-Sonny; 11-King Vitaman, 12-Toucan Sam; 13-Newton Owl; 14-Tony the Tiger; 15-Lucky

This is my second illustration of three illustrations for the Illustration Friday word “breakfast”.  Here is the first one and here is the third.

A month or so ago, WXPN’s afternoon drive time DJ Dan Reed was coming out of a block of music and easing into a conversation with Lauren Valle who was about to give a rush-hour traffic report. The last song Dan played before the break was by neo-retro jammers Phish. As part of his regular banter with Lauren, Dan pointed out that the Phish tune boasted some “crunchy grooves”, and without skipping a beat, added that it sounded like “something my son would eat for breakfast”. A confused Lauren chuckled and proceeded with the traffic report. The conversation amused my wife and she asked me to create a box of Crunchy Grooves cereal for Dan. I did and I sent it to him. He got a kick out of it.

This week’s Illustration Friday challenge word is “diary”.

“The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.” — Henny Youngman

I grew up watching The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. I loved seeing the big name comedians like Rodney Dangerfield, Don Rickles, Shecky Greene (although I didn’t get a lot of his material) and the “King of the One-Liners” - Henny Youngman. Henny would part the multi-colored curtains of Johnny’s stage and, with his signature prop violin in hand, proceed to deliver a rapid-fire barrage of jokes about his wife, his doctor, his brother-in-law, the trash collectors and anyone else he could poke fun at. Everyone was fair game and no one was sacred. “My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.” he would say. He’d follow that with “I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.” Henny would wrap up his five minute routine at center stage and then sidle up to the sofa. Then, instead of allowing Johnny to interview him, Henny would deliver another three minutes of material until Johnny and the studio audience were rolling on the floor.

When I was a junior in high school I met and began dating Henny Youngman’s niece, Jodi. We met at a party and dated for several months. I eventually took her to my Junior Prom. One day when I was at Jodi’s house, I overheard her mother on the telephone, having a typical Northeast Philadelphia Jewish-intoned conversation. “So, how’s Sadie?,” she inquired, dragging “Sadie” out to a very nasally six syllables. She continued, “When? Oh, this weekend? That’ll be nice.” She wrapped up the call with a few drawn-out “goodbye”s and “see-ya-later”s. Hanging up the phone, she turned to Jodi’s father and told him that Henny was coming to Starr’s, a nightclub in Philadelphia’s Old City section. Starr’s  was an early venture owned by future restaurant impresario Stephen Starr. Jodi’s dad stared off in thought for a moment and suddenly said, “Let’s go see him.” Then, he looked at me and said “Let’s ALL go see him!” “Cool!,” I thought.

When the weekend arrived, I piled into a car with Jodi, her parents and her little brother and headed downtown. We pulled into an empty parking space on Second Street — right in front of Starr’s.  Jodi’s mother informed the guy at the door that she was family and we were led to a stageside table. It was not as glamorous as it sounds. Starr’s  was just a bit larger than a good-sized walk-in closet. Jodi’s parents ordered cocktails and those of us under 21 had Cokes. Soon, the lights dimmed and out to the tiny staged walked Henny Youngman. Henny Youngman!  Right there!  A foot  away from me! This was so cool!

Just like I had seen a million times on late-night television, Henny Youngman rattled off joke after joke after joke. I had heard the majority of his gags before, but they were just as funny as if I was hearing them for the first time. After his set was over and the applause died down, the house lights came up and Henny Youngman — Henny fucking Youngman — joined us at our table. He kissed and exchanged pleasantries with Jodi’s parents. He gave more specific details of family matters than those merely touched on in the earlier phone conversation. Then, I was introduced to Henny as Jodi’s boyfriend. I was seventeen. This was Henny Youngman!  I gushed. I told him I was a big fan. He smiled half-heartedly, but said nothing. The more we chit-chatted, the more I realized that this guy had absolutely no personality. He was as electrifying and engaging as a bar of soap. No wonder he didn’t want Johnny Carson to interview him — he had nothing to say!  He went outside for some air before the next show. We all followed him and we stood awkwardly silent on the Second Street sidewalk for a good, long time. Then, a man at the door signaled to Henny that it was time for his second set. He went back inside and we dutifully followed. He did the exact same act. Word for word.

Just before we left to go home, Henny took a joke book he had authored out of a duffel bag. He opened the front cover and, in a childlike scrawl, wrote: “Marry my niece Jodi — Henny Youngman”. With no expression on his face, he handed the book to me and I left with my girlfriend’s family.

My admiration for Henny Youngman diminished greatly that night.

And I didn’t marry Jodi.

(pictured above: Josh Pincus and Henny Youngman’s niece, 1978)

This week’s Illustration Friday challenge word is “giant”.

Robert Wadlow was a relatively normal eight pounds six ounces at his birth in 1918, however an overactive pituitary gland would soon change the course of his life.

By eighteen months, Robert weighed sixty-two pounds and by the age of eight, he was 6 feet 2 inches tall. By eighteen, Robert was 8 feet 4 inches tall. His clothes required three times the amount of material as those worn by his peers. He found it difficult to find comfortable shoes and needed them custom-made for one hundred dollars per pair — a huge amount of money in the early part of the twentieth century.

When he turned 20, Robert signed a contract with the International Shoe Company. In exchange for a lifetime of free footwear, Robert would travel the country promoting the company and their products. He, along with his father, visited 41 states and his quiet and friendly demeanor earned him the nickname “The Gentle Giant”.  Robert’s father needed to modify a car, removing the front passenger seat, so Robert could sit in the back seat and stretch out his long legs. Although he required leg braces to walk, and had little feeling in his legs and feet, Robert was always cheerful and delighted to meet so many people.

During a July 4 appearance at a National Forest Festival, an ill-fitting leg brace caused an irritation and subsequent infection on Robert’s leg. He was confined to a hotel bed while doctor’s worked frantically to lower his fever and treat his ailment. Despite a blood transfusion and emergency surgery, Robert died in his sleep on July 15, 1940 at the age of 22. He had reached a height of 8 feet 11.1 inches.

Approximately 40,000 people attended Robert’s funeral. He was buried in a half-ton coffin that required twelve pallbearers to carry. It was interred in a vault made of solid concrete, as Robert’s family were concerned that his remains would be the target of grave-robbers with exploitative plans. His family also destroyed most of his belongings to deter memorabilia-seeking collectors.

Robert was the tallest person who ever lived and one of only eleven people who ever reached a height of over eight feet. He has been honored and memorialized with life-size statues at Southern Illinois University School of Dental Medicine and six Ripley’s Believe it or Not  Museums throughout the world.