IF: talent

You got more talent in one lugnut than a lot of cars has got on their whole body.
Poor Steven Duren. He had dreams. He was heavily influenced by AC/DC, Black Sabbath and Alice Cooper. But, he wasn’t nearly at their level… and he knew it. But that wouldn’t stop the ever-determined Steven.

Steven changed his name to Blackie Lawless and fooled around on the guitar and bass. He formed a few bands, the most popular being heavy-metal shock rockers W.A.S.P., best known for their controversial hit “Animal (F**k Like a Beast).” Blackie surrounded his band with gimmicks, from pyrotechnics on stage to the mysterious meaning behind the band’s acronym name. (Fans guessed everything from “We Are Sexual Perverts” to “We Ate Savory Pancakes.” Blackie would sometimes tell interviewers “We Ain’t Sure, Pal.”)

Blackie’s signature stage stunt was lighting his codpiece on fire. During an early performance of the trick, a malfunction in the explosives caused poor Blackie’s crotch to burst into flames. Attentive rescue workers doused the fiery piece of wardrobe with water and foam to extinguish the flames. As a charred and shaken Blackie was carried from the stage, he observed hisĀ situationĀ and quipped, “If I could write better songs, I wouldn’t have to do shit like this.”

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4 Comments

  1. Where have I heard that before? If a band was better, then they would not have to resort to distracting the audience with flashing lights, costume changes, being lowered on a flowered swing, exploding pots of lights and such. Sounds very familiar.

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